I Won't Swallow That!

Folks, as of now I am boycotting all Coca Cola products, and I urge everyone who cares about human rights and the abuses of human rights against its own LGBT people by the Russian government - and who find the determined Coca Cola drive to sponsor the Sochi (Russian) Olympics offensive, to join me. 

Coca Cola is deleting all comments by LGBT people critical to it's determination to continue sponsoring the "Olympics of Hate" in an attempt to silence opposition and to promote its own financial interests at the cost of human dignity and lives. 

Please refer to the following article for more details:

http://oblogdeeoblogda.me/2014/01/26/coca-cola-deleting-enraged-lgbt-comments-from-facebook-page/

______________________________________________________________

If you would like to know more about Christina Engela and her writing, please feel free to browse her website.

If you’d like to send Christina Engela a question about her life as a writer or transactivist, please send an email to christinaengela@gmail.com or use the Contact form.

All material copyright © Christina Engela, 2019.

________________________________________

Support SAPRA's Legal Aid Fund!

Offended? Discriminated against? Unfairly dismissed? Experiencing prejudice on the basis of your religion? Do you have a problem which can only be resolved in court? 

...And That's A Wrap!

My pet gripe for today is religious bullies: 

Today I went and had some gifts wrapped at a little stall at a local shopping mall. I ignored the overtly Christian material draped all over the table the lady who was wrapping the gifts was sitting at, smiled and asked her to wrap my gifts. She agreed. I asked her how much it would cost. She told me she would take a donation for her non-profit organization that puts together food parcels for the poor and sickly including cancer patients in Port Elizabeth. 

I thought that his would work out rather well as an act of charity, and agreed.

The Vestige Of Ignorance - AUKSANO & The SABC Sabotage Religious Freedom In SA

In a post on Facebook on the SABC's page, the SABC advertised a video of a recent appearance by AUKSANO as follows: 

"Satanism in South African schools is on the rise and incidents of that has puzzled communities. A learner was sentenced to 10 years for the murder of a friend in Randfontein. Three men and a minor are in court connection with the so-called satanic ritual killing of Kirsty Theologo. 

Yvonne Engela - A Eulogy

My mother passed on 24 October 2013 at the age of 79 from complications resulting from pneumonia. 

 

Her memorial on 30 October was conducted, in accordance with her wishes, at St John's Methodist Church in Central, Port Elizabeth.

Ignorance Is Not A Legitimate 'Point Of View'

The debate around the St Marks "Sex in the City - Is Gay Okay?" discussion held at the church three weeks ago just doesn't seem to want to die. 

You can view the video I took here: https://youtu.be/00-u-tJwh-o

Homophobes continue to post their ignorant remarks  in such a manner as if to show that a) they know what they are talking about and b) they have some kind of hand-written note from "God" to authorize them to hate and to persecute others in its name.

Yes sirree, Port Elizabeth has a "prophet" in its 'burbs - another one who claims to know what "God" said and meant, intent on not letting anyone get on with their lives without being told off for being the "lustful sinners" they are.

In today's episode, let's look at the comment made by a Nigel Wakeford, a regular in the Herald "chirps" column. In my humble opinion, Mr Wakeford is just showing his ignorance. 

St Marks Dr Woolard Reject Science As 'Claptrap' Since It Doesn't Suit Their Prejudice

I note with amusement in the letters column of today's Herald, that Dr Woolard still hasn't provided any of his alleged scientific sources which he claims to prove that LGBT people are the consequence of molestation, pedophilia, "broken homes" or masturbation. 

Instead, he has dismissed the findings of respected researchers in the medical field as "claptrap" in favor of persecuting LGBT people on the merit of his own apparent "medical expertise" - or that of his colleague who was a medical student once, apparently. 

That, Dr Woolard, is a demonstration of pseudo-science - twisting the name of science to suit your own prejudice, in an attempt to lend it some standing - but with no basis in fact. 

Only YOU Can Save The World (If Not You, Who Else?)

I was most fortunate to have two friends who were Methodist ministers, both very open-minded and very loving people. 

They frequently took heavy fire for being welcoming of gay folks, and even people of other faiths, and for standing up against haters in their own ranks. 

The fact that I left Christianity to follow a Pagan path never meant that they weren't my friends any more, or that they suddenly would try to change me. Instead, they continued to be good friends. It's always a pleasure to count Christians like that among my friends. But what about the others?

Book Review: 'The Pink Agenda' by Christine Mc Cafferty & Peter Hammond

I read this item a number of years ago. Twice. Seeing it listed on Goodreads.com made me see red, and prompted me to write a review on it. 

The lies and hatred contained within it's pages made me so angry that I had to keep putting it down and take regular breaks to avoid ripping this disgusting item into itty-bitty pieces and burning each one while singing something energetic involving a lot of hand-actions and expletives. 

St Marks 'Is Gay Okay?' - A Rebuttal

This past Monday I reported on the "Sex in the City" discussion which was advertised in the Weekend Post by St Marks Congregational church, being on the question "Is Gay Okay?" The elusive answer was buried among layers of propaganda and subterfuge, masked by verbose tap-dancing, foot-shuffling and showmanship - and turned out to be a somewhat muffled "no". 

I'm not normally given to re-posting private conversations, but I thought that this occasion warranted it. First, to show that there were no ill-feelings between myself and St Marks - or at least, between myself and Reverend Claassen; and second, to show, post facto, that civil dialog had indeed taken place. The intensity - and to borrow a word from the good reverend - the conviction I felt while writing my response to him - and in writing this article, I felt, swayed me to post it here. I feel it reflects in my words, and I hope they penetrate - not just by getting through to the reverend - but to Christians, churches and their related groups everywhere which continue to separate and to isolate and denigrate people based on a self-defined need to be "right", judgmental and self-righteous - and where this results in hardship, cruelty and harm to others.

Read Between The Lies

In a somewhat unusual move for me, I went to a church service on Sunday 18 Aug - unusual because I am not a Christian and haven't been since I renounced the religion and all its tenets in 2010, and have affiliated with Pagan religion in the meantime. 

On the bright side, at least I didn't actually burst into flames.

I didn't go there because I had a sudden change of heart, nor because I needed to take my mother to her church. No, I went because this church, St Marks Congregational, had placed an advertisement in a public newspaper, the Weekend Post, headlined "Is Gay Okay?" 

Knowing the conservative right-wing nature of most evangelical charismatic churches in Port Elizabeth, I decided to go and see what they were about, and what they meant by their question - and the placement of something that should not even be questioned any more in my view, given the modern scientific and human rights rationale.

Russia Has Lost It's Soul... And Its Mind

Russia has begun a very enthusiastic crack-down on LGBT people, and it's using Christian religion and junk-science being peddled by Scott Lively as justification. It's very concerning. Unfortunately this is what happens when religious conservativism is allowed to run riot, and when that very important line between church and state is erased.

A Short Chat With An 'Occult Expert'

Last week, national radio station SAFM featured a debate on "Satanism and crime" called "What is Satanism?" - you can find the link to the debate here: SAFM podcast link (31 May What is Satanism?).

SRA Propaganda IS A Harmful Religious Practice!

Dear IOL, I just read this article by you today: "Sin, sedition and Satanism in South Africa".

http://www.iol.co.za/news/south-africa/sin-sedition-and-satanism-in-south-africa-1.417775#.UXqvBqLTxbq 

(Yes, I know the article is from 2008, but I was just made aware of it. LOL. Also, the policeman interviewed is the present head of the reformed SAPS Occult Related Crimes unit - so his views should provide a VERY clear picture of what sort of prejudice and bias this man has. The journalist first points out that there are different forms of Satanism, and makes references to the Church of Satan – but the lengthy quotes from Lamprecht and an evangelicalist drug rehabilitation “expert” speaking out of his field of expertise, tends to off-set this suggestion, making up the bulk of the article, and turning it from an objective piece into a Christian evangelizing soap-box.)

I am sorry to say, this whole article is a perfect example of biased, hysterical SRA propaganda. If is so full of sheer and utter rubbish attributed to Lamprecht and Krige and put out by your paper, that I am beside myself with anger. In fact, there is so much tripe in there about a religion and its adherents who are STILL  (clearly only in theory) protected by law in this country from lies and misrepresentations such as this, being presented as "fact" that I'm not even sure where to begin.

Bridging The Great Divide

The Constitution forms the supreme law of South Africa. It is a secular law which stands to prevent the persecution of people on the basis of race, ethnicity, language, gender, sexual orientation - and also religious freedom. 

Of course, most of the time you need to belong to a minority group of some kind to confirm that the law and the letter are being carried out in real life as they are on paper. In South Africa I can attest to the fact that the gap between the paper law and the real life application of these laws - which once seemed to be narrowing, is now just as wide - if not wider than ever.

The Poep's Latest Move, And Other Stories

I have a bit of a mixed bag for you all today. Happy 2013 folks!

December 2012 was quite a rough patch for me. I spent a lot of December flat on my back - that was not nearly as much fun as you might think. 

Sun Stroke Revisited

Everybody looking forward to having a nice Christmas? Ever think about the tradition of Christmas and where it comes from? I did, and decided to find out. I must say, what I found reinforced my misgivings about organized religion, after all, Christmas is a good time to point out Christian hypocrisy - because "peace on Earth and goodwill to all 'men'" very easily turns to "take all you can" and "hang 'em high!" and "it's God's will".

[Back in 2009, I wrote an article called Sun Stroke, which described the deception rampant in modern "Christianity" as a religion, and also exposed the ignorance of the average Christian - who either takes for granted that the religion they follow always was the way it is today, that their doctrine is "inerrant", that every aspect of their faith is unique and different and sets their religion apart from the rest, which they frequently attack, deplore and undermine - and that everything they are told by their clergy is true. I originally wrote the article at a time when I was still considering myself a Christian, and on a path to rediscovering my own self, as well as redefining my belief system. I have since gone from being a Christian, to agnostic, and since then, Paganism. These days I identify as a practicing dark pagan witch. As a human rights activist, I often find myself referring back to some of my past articles - especially this one - and so I thought it time to revise it some, to bring it more in line with my subsequent growth and advancement.]

Uganda Again Set To Pass 'Kill The Gays Bill' - Followed by Nigeria

What can I say about this, folks - except "I told you so"? 

I've warned about it since I first started this activist blog, after all. 

Interview With The Vampire Journalist

Concerning the article in today's Weekend Post, one which I was interviewed for on Thursday regarding the new SAPS anti-alternative religion unit, euphemistically called the "Occult Related Crime Unit". 

This unit, which is really just a bunch of Christian missionaries in blue uniforms and with police authority, gifted with a 5 day course on "the occult" to make them "experts" in the field (of harassing innocent citizens for their beliefs) and wearing badges. 

The whole thing just reeked of Christian fundamentalist propaganda, being an example of completely skewed and biased reporting. I felt I had to respond to the "journalist" who interviewed me for it.

SAPS 'Occult Related Crimes Unit': A Christo-fascist Threat To Religious Minorities In South Africa

Over the past week a serious issue has come to light over the reformation of the SA Police's "Occult Related Crime" units. In a press release last week, the South African Pagan Rights Alliance, representing the Pagan community of South Africa, revealed that the SAPS is forming these units to address so-called "occult related crimes", based on information obtained from a SAPS internal memo. 

Personal Statement: Divisions Within The Community

In the past I have called for more active interest and participation from the Pink Community, and I am happy to say that in recent months the community has risen to the challenge by and large, with new Pride events taking place, new community support projects springing up, and new activist voices shouting from within the wilderness to speak out against the injustices faced by our community. However;

There is an ongoing feud between the organizers of a community pageant  and other members of the community, a feud which is both unproductive and insensible, and which threatens to tear a rift right through the community. I also find it puzzling and disgusting how many people who wouldn't be seen dead voting or supporting anything political openly in defense of their own rights, have jumped in neck-deep in supporting either of the parties in this recent dispute which has been threatening to divide and weaken us as a community.

My Brief Delusional Time As A Lesbian

This morning I was lying in bed considering what to wear. I sleep naked these days, because I've enjoyed the new found freedom that being physically female brings. 

What I was wondering was, what to clothe my body with once I got out of bed, and despite the personal style I've developed over the past few years, I'm now totally at a loss for what to pick in my closet.

Being female, albeit a transgender female now 6 years post-op, the choice should have been clear to me. The reason for this dilemma is that I was told last night by a person of some prominence in the local lesbian community, that I "dress like a drag queen".

The Right Fundamentals?

The question often arises in my mind, when dealing with biblical literalists and fundamentalists, exactly WHAT their fundamentals are? What is it that makes them stand at the head of a crowd and whip them into a frenzy, spitting hatred for others - and doing so in the name of a god they claim is a god of love, and who is the personification of this all too cheap, commercialized emotion?

An Inconvenient Home Truth

It's odd how for years, articles by Melanie Nathan have been highly prized and circulated and promoted by local human rights advocates, and how for years we have welcomed her campaigning to assist our cause, and her application of public pressure from outside the country - and now we can suddenly just turn around and say something like this:

"A condescending American [Melanie] Nathan based in America, who has no jurisdiction whatsoever in dictating to South Africans what to do (as what so many Western countries are prone to do), even if she was born in South Africa, she left this country three decades ago and has no business interfering. We're not listening - go write about the problems LGBTI face in the US. There's lots." - GaySpeak Ezine.

 

An email from Mr Gay SA did the rounds in the early hours of this morning, laying out in point form "the official stance" of a Pink Community leader figure in South Africa. 

 

Point five said: "We support what Melanie Lowe and Cobus Fourie from SA GLAAD wrote about standing together, but this has become an all-out attack against Mr GSA driven by people who are serving their own interests and shamelessly using this issue of the traditional leaders to promote themselves, their blogs and their brands." 

The email closed with "Please remove us from this mailing list - we will not respond if you do."

The quote at the top of this article was then posted on numerous Coalition and LGBT Facebook groups.

Change Is As Change Does

The DA is virtually the only party in this country which includes the rights of people on the basis of gender, identity, gender identity and sexual orientation in its policies and manifestos. 

To this day, I feel that there is no viable alternative to the DA in securing the promises in the Constitution of South Africa, which pertain to freedom, equality and equal opportunity for all.

However, the recent events surrounding the matter of the Traditional Leader's Bill, and the careless statement made by Mr de Freitas as a representative of the DA - whether he himself is gay or not, have cast a different light on the Democratic Alliance and its stance on civil rights and protection issues.

Self-Hatred Is Not Therapy

My good friend Tanya and I were having a chat yesterday. She's a straight Christian friend to a pan-romantic transsexual dark Pagan - me. Our chat took the direction of discussing Christian gay people who believe they are condemned to Hell because of their inborn sexuality. I thought I would add my two cents using some information I have been collecting over a number of years, pretty much because I have been fighting a war of words with people who seek to condemn gays, lesbians, bi's and transgender people to "Hell" from a "Christian" perspective.

Protect the Constitution Johannesburg Protest On SABC News

Kudos to all involved - this was a very unbiased video news insert.

______________________________________________________________

If you would like to know more about Christina Engela and her writing, please feel free to browse her website.

If you’d like to send Christina Engela a question about her life as a writer or transactivist, please send an email to christinaengela@gmail.com or use the Contact form.

All material copyright © Christina Engela, 2019.

________________________________________

Down Memory Lane

The following is an article I wrote back in 2010, and which was published by the National Secular Society (UK). 

I was reminded of it again this past week in an email, and thought as it didn't appear on my blog "Sour Grapes: The Fruit of Ignorance" the first time, now would be a good time to look back at how we got to this place in South African history, with conservatives vying to be the first to rip and tear human rights protection clauses out of the Constitution. 

Of course, since I have been writing and distributing my articles and warnings since 2008, there is a certain amount of "I told you so" in re-posting this article. Nevertheless, here it is, for your reading pleasure:

The Burning Question

A general look at similarities between some persecuted minority groups in SA, based upon differences in  race, sexual orientation, and religion or spiritual beliefs - and the similarities in the methodology of their persecution.

In this article I will broadly discuss my perception of the current situation in South Africa, in conjunction with general reference to "the Stanton Report", a model which assesses the make-up of a genocide, and to which the UN also refers. Broadly, the Stanton Report, developed and presented to the UN in 1996, demonstrates the different stages of the development of social discrimination into a full-blown genocide. There are 8 of these stages in the model, and these show how the removal of civil rights and legal protections of a social minority group is usually followed by vilification and persecution of that group, and that the persecution of the group is the real intended goal of removing such legal protections in the first place. 

Stand With Us!

CALLING ALL HUMAN RIGHTS GROUPS AND ACTIVISTS, of whatever association, be it religion, sexual orientation, gender, or cultural - it's time to stand together for our joint human rights! The SA government is debating the removal of sexual orientation protection against discrimination clauses from the SA Constitution - if they succeed in this, who will be next?

SA Govt Discusses Removal Of Sexual Orientation From Constitution

An article in the Beeld newspaper yesterday explains that there is a move in government encouraging the removal of sexual orientation protection clauses from the SA Constitution. 

Not to say "I told you so", but I've been warning about this eventuality for the past 5 years.

...So, "I fucking told you so!" 

The takeaway from this fact is this: A) There is a government body actually spending official time, money and resources to entertain a band of religious fundamentalist fanatics who have for years been pressuring government to remove constitutional human rights protections from the SA Constitution. B) a body which falls under the mandate of the SA Constitution and has a duty to DEFEND it, is ostensibly giving government support and serious consideration to what amounts to un-Constitutional efforts which would not only violate the human rights of a significant portion of SA citizens - but would also stand in contradiction to several important UN mandates on human right as well

 

This is cause for significant concern indeed. 

 

Should this farcical business deliver any rotten fruit, it would set in motion a cascade-effect that would collapse the culture of human rights protections for numerous communities.

So You Think You're A Good Person?

Self-acceptance -  the acceptance of the person we are, with whatever defects and flaws - imperfections - and even our perfections, determines who we are and who we become. How can we work towards becoming anything else if we don't even know who we are now? How can you chart a course from A to B if you don't even know where A is, or where B is in relation to you? If you don't even know what your own strengths and weaknesses - and character flaws are - how can you know what to work on, and where to improve, and what to leave behind?

Whatever we are now, we all began as something else. Personally, I'm far more partial to the view that "I am what I choose to accept I am", and "I am what I want to be". 

I am what I am. Nice sentiment that. But is it that simple? 

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

WARNING - contains honest opinion of the author about ChristianISM (i.e. Christian terrorism), righteous indignation, and some good, down to earth home truths. 

The willfully ignorant may be offended.

Cry, Emo Kid - They Really ARE Out To Kill You

I was shocked and saddened today, when I saw news articles of STATE SANCTIONED AND ENCOURAGED MASSACRES in Iraq. 

The target of these unholy act of unspeakable barbarism? LGBT people, feminists - and Emo kids. That's right - Iraqi religious police assisted by fanatic religious militia - and relatives of the victims, have been abducting and murdering people - including children - because they don't approve of their hairstyles, dress, or if they happen to appear a little too masculine or feminine to their liking, for their idea of "appropriate" gender! 

Nobody is safe from their brutality and terrorism - not even children! 

Monsters!

Apartheid Is Dead, Long Live Apartheid!

I am angered by the attitude of some people in this country. It seems that one can't even enter into a rational debate with people of other races here without it descending into a war of words, where prejudices and stereotyping come to the fore. (You are correct in assuming that this is going to be a rant. 

If you disagree with me on this topic, it is your democratic right to do so. 

However, I then urge you to also exercise your other democratic right to not read it, while I exercise my right to express myself freely.) Why am I angry? Because it amazes me how many black people still live under the assumption that because I am white and have a car and a house that I am somehow "rich" and that I have "stolen" something from them in order to get it.

The Armpit Of South Africa & Other Stories

I saw a post on Facebook, wherein the poster asked what a political party's position was on legalizing the drug trade in South Africa. The poster was of the opinion that legalizing the trade would make things better and more controllable.

In my opinion, the only thing that legalizing this trade in human dignity, suffering and lost lives will help is that the government would be able to claim its share in tax proceeds from the profit made by these obscene monsters masquerading in human form - something which, in my opinion, could explain why law enforcement agencies struggle so to clamp down on this dangerous and illegal trade in the first place - corruption. 

Traditional Hatred

What an interesting holiday season this has been! 

Three weeks went by so fast that I once again find myself writing the first article for the new year! 

I hope you all had a wonderful time, and whether or not the silly season held any special or even religious significance for you, I hope it was peaceful and filled with love and the company of not just family and friends - but people you really wanted to spend time with, and hopefully, enjoyed their company.

Crime & Contemplation

Crime and punishment. 

This concept is also known as criminal justice and deals with how fairness, legality and morality affect law and order. 

The term criminal justice can sometimes refer to the industry that surrounds crime and punishment - and make no mistake, it is an industry. 

 

Some of the many careers in the field are covered on this criminal justice degree site, along with information on educational requirements for those working in this field. I am more concerned with the idea of criminal justice as a social issue. 

People seem to think that it is socially acceptable that the punishment for a particular crime, should fit the crime. All too often we find ourselves asking - does it?

There Is In Prejudice, No Fairness, Nor Equality

We are all losing a little bit of our equality and freedom, a little bit at a time. 

All of us, in every social grouping, whatever the basis for discrimination or differentiation, are affected. We all belong to a race group, a gender, a sexual orientation, a personal expression, and have our own religious beliefs. How long before all of us are equal only in our disenfranchisement, powerlessness and despair?

We Are Big Brother

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? - this a Latin proverb meaning "who will guard the guardians?" or "who will watch the watchdogs?"

Is Democracy In South Africa Dead?

"█████ ██ █ ████everything ███ █████ is█████ ████ ████ fine ████ ███ █ █████ love,█████ ██████ ███ your █████ ████ government #BlackTuesday" - This is a message that has been doing the rounds today on the web, and on Facebook. The topic of conversation? The controversial "Protection Of Information Bill, aka the "POI" Bill. It was today passed, after being railroaded through Parliament.

Passing On The Torch

It is very close to the end of another year, and the time has come again for me to reflect on the past, to take stock - and to chart a new course for my future in human rights activism. 

You may recall I started out as an activist for the human rights of the Pink Community, specifically with the SA Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (SA GLAAD) - an organization I am still serving on - and have since also become more involved with other causes attached to the cause of human rights. 

Among these was a group called ECGLA.

Lessons In Love

I love you...

The words are cheap and easily said these days, aren't they?

Mirror, Mirror

As a non-Christian, I have never understood the need some people have to indoctrinate others, or to try and force their own views on them. 

When this sort of thing takes place during a time of grieving and mourning, such as at a funeral, it just makes it even worse.

Challenges of Life

I believe where it is SAFE to do so, transgender people should be out and proud. And where it isn't safe, they should be proud if not out - and they should still work for equality, dignity and human rights so that they - and the generations that are to come - one day can be out. Nobody cares about people they don't know about, folks. 

When people don't remind folks that they really do exist, the haters, purists and bigots like to believe and pretend that they don't.

Dismantling Fear

Many transsexual people I have encountered over time have chosen to introduce themselves to friends or acquaintances as being more than "just" transsexuals. 

Instead of just being honest about having been biologically male or female, and having changed that, they invent stories about having been born intersex - presumably because in their minds, the audience will somehow view them more sympathetically that way than if they were just honest to begin with.

 

Why can't they just be honest?

 

Well, as it turns out, there may be some very good reasons why they do this.

Kicking The Crutch

The world around us is filled with people who are selfish, cocky and arrogant about their own religious beliefs. I say not these things because I resent the pride others take in their religion, but because the pride some of them take in their choice of beliefs boils over into a hatred of the religious choices of others who choose differently to them, and into persecution of those who dare to do so.

Will Somebody Please Think Of The Children?

I regularly meet a friend of mine, who is a Christian reverend, for drinks at a local coffee shop. We enjoy casual chats about religion, persecution and human needs and frailties. He mentioned to me that there is no ONE Christianity, but many, and that today there are more than 200 different formally identified "mainstream" denominations - or "churches" around the world. Ironically, each one considers itself to be the ONE TRUE Christianity, or at least, the face of it.

It Makes Sense, Doesn't It?

If you look at all the weird and wonderful new Bills being tabled in South Africa these days - there is little doubt in my mind that the Constitution and the freedoms contained within it - are clearly under assault. 

And those of us whose civil rights and equality are protected by those very clauses in the Constitution which are under assault, somehow seem unaware that we fill the sights and scopes on the weapons being directed against us by those who would chip away at our equality.

NMB Pride Was Our Heritage Day!

This past Saturday saw a first for my home town: Almost 20 years into our new democracy, Port Elizabeth still had not had a Pride parade or Pride event, in fact it was sometimes a pit-stop for travelers on their way from somewhere else, to Pride events being held - well, somewhere else. 

 

All that changed last Saturday, when the very first Nelson Mandela Bay Pride was held - and I was so very proud!