I was asked a question by a friend the other day. "How does one rid oneself of the shame surrounding sexuality as indoctrinated by church and society, and especially being different and having a secret that one cannot share?"
I think we are all influenced by the very Victorian, conservative religious stereotype while growing up - the whole concept that "sex is dirty and wrong and sinful" - despite it being 100 percent natural, normal and even healthy.
The historical Victorians have often been described as being 'too afraid to see themselves naked for fear it will lead to sinful thoughts'. And while this is an amusing, even flippant thought, ironically, it is this same Victorian stereotype which still haunts former British Colonies with its presence in leftover so-called "morality" laws. Even today, many independent former British colonies are using legal systems which were built upon the preceding colonial laws - laws which regulated the sort of clothing people (especially women) could wear in public for example, or laws which criminalized homosexuality in any form - a stunning intrusion of the imperialist mindset of the former British Empire into the private lives and bedrooms of those still living under these laws in 2010!
There are signs however, that these repressive and backwards leftover colonial-era laws are slowly dying a lingering death.
As much as they would love to deny it, even homophobic bigots wearing the tightest underpants available, would not be here if it weren't for sex. That's right - not even the high-and-mighty James Dobson. And Erroll Naidoo would not be sporting such a neat "pee-pot" hairdo in his photos all over the internet if he didn't think himself "sexy" in some way - although I have to admit, that idea actually puts me off my cornflakes.
What is unnatural, unhealthy and even strange, is the concept these people peddle, that in order to be socially acceptable and viewed as "moral", people should conform to the manufactured concept of Male and Female as social ideals, and be completely celibate and totally asexual in demeanor, attitude and outlook - except within the confines of one monogamous relationship - which has been clearly defined by them for us all and called "Marriage". And of course, even when we stick to this arrogant prescription - with a partner of our own choice, as it should be - we still get attacked, regardless of whether it is in the privacy of our own homes or not - even if it outlasts their own equally fragile unions, or makes a mockery of the "sanctity" of Elizabeth Taylor's eighth marriage.
Societies, cultures and religions far older than Christianity, long ago recognized the existence of more than two genders. Western society seems only to recognize the two extremes - what we today call the gender "binary". What? You thought there are only two genders?
How boring and 2-dimensional! Even today, eastern cultures still widely accept the existence of three or more genders - the wholly male and wholly female being at the two opposite extremes, with the "third" or gender-sexual diverse filling the space between. Today in the western world, we know his concept by various names - such as the "Kinsey scale" for example.
Of course, this concept being older, we assume that as in everything else, later developments are made by those who "know better", right? I disagree. As the above is far older, and changes in thought and society were made by later, more conservative - and unavoidably "Christian" elements, it is the currently rising fundamentalist mindset and "world view" which is in fact colliding with what is completely natural and in fact "normal", if there is really such a thing.
My point? If you have deep feelings of self-resentment over issues of sexual orientation, or gender identity, or even "traditional gender roles" - then it is as a result of societal programming which has carried over, through our education and interaction with society. If you were not "meant" to have the feelings you have on these issues, then you wouldn't have them - simple. In short, feeling as you do, and feeling as I do - having always been pan-sexual and transgender - is completely natural - for us.
Trying to make the world over into a neat, narrow, super-orderly, understandable version of itself because some lack the capacity to understand nature - or human nature and cannot get to grips with diversity is sheer folly - and also blatantly arrogant.
I think you can tell by now where this is leading - your issues with sexuality have been programmed into you - and it is up to you to discover the truth of these things for yourself and to discard that which you feel does not apply to you. It's your life after all, and you are responsible for your own happiness - not some two-dimensional social system that has been imposed on you or your parents, not God or whatever concept of God you hold to, not your partner if you have one - just you.
You are the one that has to make this mind-shift. If this pious narrow-mindedness does nothing for you and just takes up space and gets in your way - toss it. Who knows, maybe Erroll can use it. Let him be the one to trip over it, let it be an obstacle to his happiness - for him to bluff himself with in his self-glorifying fanatical narrow-mindedness. Let him think it makes him better than us while we know the truth of these things. Let him continue to say in the media how much he hates gay people - and say how much God hates us too. It does not make any of it true.
"Dear God, I denied myself today - aren't you proud of me?"
I suppose God would shake her head sadly and say "I didn't ask you to make yourself unhappy, my child - why are you doing this to yourself?"
"I want to be happy, God - but they told me I am evil."
"I made you the way you are, my child. Who told you this?"
"Dear God, I obeyed Errol Naidoo and James Dobson - they call themselves your voice."
"I know who you are, my child - but who are they?"
And there is the secret that people like Dobson and Naidoo cannot share. That they are so cocky and arrogant ans self-absorbed in building their own kingdoms, leading their own personal crusades against "evil" that they have completely missed the point - that the God they supposedly speak for is love, not hatred - and that the message they are expounding is exclusively one of hatred.
I am surprised that so many people actually miss that point, which often makes me doubt the average I.Q. of the human race. It seems to have plummeted.
You need to make peace with yourself - you have enough enemies as it is on the outside - you need to make yourself a friend on the inside. You are your own greatest resource and strength. You need to be your own best friend too.
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All material copyright © Christina Engela, 2019.
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