Today's tale comes with the compliments of social convention.
By that, I mean that it's acceptable standard practice for people to have some form of doorbell at the front entrance to their homes. Not having one naturally would make it harder for anyone visiting to attract the attention of those inside - except for knocking as the most likely alternative, followed closely by shouting, or "hollering" as our 'murican cousins call it.
Let me begin with the note that I'm on holiday - my annual vacation to be exact, and as such I've made it my mission to sleep later than my usual 5:45 workday routine the rest of the year. Things that make this quite difficult for me include various forms of body ache and pain left over from numerous accidents and injuries over the years (yes, I've lived quite an interesting life, haven't I?) - and that... fucking.... doorbell.
Or, rather more accurately, people who exist outside these walls who insist on ringing it. Especially the ones who actually mean to visit our immediate neighbors and can't seem to realize that our doorbell panel - mounted between our entrances - has a different number on it than the house they're visiting. But no, that wasn't today's issue. No, it wasn't.
For once, it seemed I was able to get in a bit of extra sleep (having remembered to take a few pain pills before bed last night) when - DING DONG. And after the first ring didn't get any immediate reaction, this was then followed by a series of follow-ups! Buddy, let me tell you: Getting rudely awoken on a Saturday morning when you're on holiday, by a ringing doorbell, is quite an unpleasant experience - but not as unpleasant as KNOWING you don't know who the people who rang it are, or finding out what the strangers who rang it want.
So I checked the video screen to see who was at the front door, and made out an elderly couple dressed respectably, looking as though they were arriving at the wrong house to visit their grandkids or the like. Whatever could these old dears want? Did they get the wrong address? Well, yes, obviously.
After ensuring I had some shorts and a sleep shirt on the right way round, I fumbled with keys and a series of locked interior doors before stumbling to the front door, swept the curtain aside, and unlocked and opened it to behold the neatly dressed elderly couple. The old man hung back noticeably, while the old dear under what looked like a Sunday hat with flowers arranged on it, stepped forward. She greeted me as if I ought to know her, as she tried to hand me a plain white business card with a big blue "JW" printed on it on one side. That didn't work because we have a fine netting covering the security gate, designed to keep mosquitoes out - and our cats in - among other things, it seems in retrospect.
"What is this?" I asked in irritation. They didn't look like they were going to ask for directions, money, or "Xmas box", so the list of possibilities in my head was rapidly shrinking down to just one likely candidate. They were here to try and sell me something - but what?
"What's it about?" I sighed, pondering the likely meaning of the acronym "JW".
"It's a website." She said.
"Yes, but what's it about?"
"It's international." She replied vaguely with a maddening smile, still trying to force the card through the netting.
Of course it took about two whole minutes to drag the truth out of her, as all her responses were vague and evasive non-answers.
Religion. It was about religion. Specifically, Jehovah's Witness cult bullshit. I instantly realized why the old lady was the one doing the talking - and why the old guy was hanging back: because people are, in theory, far less likely to be rude to friendly little old ladies peddling snake oil scams than to gruff old men. Oh well, everybody has a turn to be wrong, I guess.
"You've got to be fucking kidding!" I exclaimed as I abruptly closed and locked the door on them.
Yes, I realize I was being rude - but so what? These cultists deliberately set out to badger people in their own homes by peddling their religious crap door to door, unconcerned with whether or not those inside are busy with something else, or even trying to sleep late for a change (no explanations necessary - don't even try to guilt-trip me for that!) just to score brownie points in their bizarre religious cult! Talk about selfish and spiteful! As far as I'm concerned, it ought to be a criminal offense!
Imagine thinking that religious freedom to not be persecuted for your religious beliefs extends to cover the arrogant audacity to go and proselytize those beliefs at people - uninvited - in the sanctity of their own homes and shoving their beliefs in their faces!
Let me tell you something, mac - ringing my doorbell carries the same implications as receiving a phone call at 3am - if it rings, buddy, somebody better be dying!
If it weren't for the fact that I need to keep the doorbell active for the meter-guy's monthly visit to get our electric meter reading, I'd leave it turned off permanently - and laugh at the thought of anyone pressing it vigorously at any hour of the night or day! Frankly, if you can't contact me via WhatsApp to let me know you're coming to visit or already at my front door, you shouldn't be ringing my doorbell in the first place. Otherwise I. Simply. Don't. Care.
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