One of the very many downsides to living in a shit-hole country like South Africa - is that even if you have all the talent in the world, you can do absolutely sod-all with it.
Goodness knows it's hard enough to be an indie author anywhere - but here? In South Africa?
All I was trying to do today was to get my 13 already published books turned into audio books... and this happens.
This was the fourth site doing audio books that I've tried. Either they don't allow South African writers to register, or they don't have royalty-sharing deals for their authors, which means the author has to pay in $$$ for the job.
Let me give you a brief summary of my publishing career. I'm sure you will find it amusing:
Me: *Submits manuscripts to local South African publishers between 1991 and 2003*
SA publishing industry: "Oh, you want to publish your book? You don't know any of our book reviewers personally? What a shame. Just send them to our publisher's websites. Wait - we don't accept any unsolicited manuscripts - join a literary agency and have them contact us, will you?"
Me: *contacts numerous local literary agencies between 1995 and 2019, and no reply*.
SA Publishing industry: "You again? *sighs* You're not a politician or an investigative journalist with a juicy expose', your material isn't religious, homophobic or self-help, and you're not a member of a formerly oppressed minority with a story we want our readers to see."
Me: "I'm trans and I'm married to a woman. For the last 27 years I've also been 'too white' to hope to find a better job in today's job-market."
SA Publishing Industry: "That doesn't count - we're interested in family-friendly material that's current, topical and easy enough for our readers to digest. South Africans don't read science fiction or fantasy. Here, try these self-publishing imprints where you will have to pay us R100,000.00 per title and we'll send you a box of 1000 copies that you will have to sell yourself, and you will have to buy more *if* you want any more."
Me: "What about marketing?"
SA Publishing industry: "Hahahahahaha. No."
Me: "I don't have R100,000.00 - and I've got more than 20 books written! Do you realize how much that would cost me?"
SA Publishing Industry: "Not our problem. Call us when you have the money."
Me: *Submits manuscripts and proposals to traditional publishers in the US and UK*
Foreign Publishers (in 2004): "We don't accept unsolicited manuscripts - why don't you join a literary agency and have them contact us, will you?"
Me: *Looks up foreign literary agencies and emails around fifteen of the most likely candidates*
New York Literary Agency: *Hello, we'll represent your work to publishers for free - we'll only take a cut if you get a publishing deal."
Me: "That sounds great! Here are all my manuscripts! Awesome!"
New York Literary Agency (six months later): *Disappears*
Me: *Finds New York Literary Agency had been on an industry black list for years.* "Well, fuck!"
Also me: *finds online self-publishing industry in 2005* "This looks promising!"
Lulu.com: "We will let you self-publish all your books for free!"
Me: "That's fucking awesome! Wow! Er - do you do marketing?"
Lulu.com: "Yes, for just $8,999 per title!"
Me: *Ponders that I could've bought a fairly good car for that price in South Africa at the time* "How do you pay royalties?"
Lulu.com (in 2005): "We only pay authors via paper checks."
Me: "I guess it'll have to be paper checks then."
Lulu.com (in 2005): "We offer more distribution channels to US creators than to South African creators. Creators from South Africa can't access Amazon to distribute their works there. Where in the world are you?"
Me: "America!"
Lulu.com (in 2009): *Four years later* "Congratulations, you've finally sold enough of your books to reach minimum payment threshold of $20. Your check is in the mail."
US govt: "That'll be a tax deduction on your sales, thanks very much." *ka-ching!*
Me (3 months later): *In 2009 gets paid FIRST paper check for a couple of sales via Lulu.com since 2005. Takes a selfie of me with my first check. Cries a little. Makes a special trip to a forex-dealing bank in order to cash it.*
SA Govt: "Whoops, that's foreign currency - where'd you get it, what's it for - and that'll be tax, thanks very much." *ka-ching!*
Lulu (in 2014): *Five years later* "Congratulations, you've finally sold enough of your books to reach minimum payment threshold of $20 again. Your check is in the mail."
US govt: "That'll be tax deductions on your sales, thanks very much." *ka-ching!*
Me (six months later): *In 2014 gets paid SECOND paper check for a couple of sales via Lulu.com since 2009 and makes a special trip to a forex-dealing bank in order to cash it.*
Forex bank: *blinks* "This is a paper check."
Me: "Yes I know. It's from America."
Forex bank: "We don't use paper checks in South Africa anymore. It's 2019 y'know."
Me: "Are you suggesting that the USA is somehow lagging behind South Africa in terms of financial technology and progress? I mean, I had to swerve to avoid a herd of cows and a string of potholes on the way here."
Forex bank: "No, it's just that our society is so rotten and corrupt and criminal and plagued by check fraud that we discontinued the use of paper checks back in 2010."
Me: *Stares at the useless paper check* "So what now?"
Forex bank: "Now... we send this thing back to the bank of origin to verify that it's genuine and then they'll send it back - and then we'll cash it out for you."
Me: "Can't you just pick up the phone and call them - or send a scan of it via email? I mean, what is this - the 1830's?"
Forex bank: "No, we have to follow the procedure."
Me: "I waited six months for that check to arrive. You realize I'll probably wait until January next year to get paid?"
Forex bank: *shrugs and smiles* "Try PayPal".
Me: *Researches new payment methods on Lulu.com, contacts help desk, informs them of the difficulty with the check, and arranges for payment to be made into PayPal account in future. I create a PayPal account and link it to my Capitec account.*
PayPal: "We're sorry, but you can't link that bank account to PayPal for withdrawals."
Me: "Well that sucks flaccid donkey balls! What now?" *asks the internet*
The Internet: "Only First National Bank can be used to withdraw funds from PayPal to be brought into SA."
Me: "WHY only FNB? I'm with Capitec!"
Everyone - and his dog: "Only god knows!"
Me: *Visits FNB website to research PayPal and FNB. Discovers that you don't have to have an FNB account, but FNB will link your PayPal to your own South African bank account. Notices that nowhere does it say HOW* "Hello FNB, how do you connect my Capitec account to PayPal?"
First National Bank: "We don't know how this works either. But our website explains it all. Here - just read this bullshit and click on these links that don't work."
Me: *Frustrated by incompetence on all sides, between 2014 and 2017 I spent whatever I earned from Lulu.com via PayPal on proof copies of my books in the process of developing print versions.*
Me (in 2012): *Approaches local book stores to enquire how to get them to stock my books*
Local book stores: "We don't support self-published authors, only real authors published by real publishers."
Me: *sneaks out hoping nobody else overheard that stinging slap in the face. Briefly considers suicide. Is foiled by the neediness of cunningly placed emotionally dependent relative.*
Me (in 2014): "I can't take this shit anymore - why do I bother? I need a traditional publisher to handle all the marketing and sales and small print!" *Sobs.*
Random Traditional Publisher (in 2014): "Your stuff looks interesting, we'll take you on! Just take all your stuff down from Lulu.com and we'll start editing, formatting and representing you right away! Just sign here!"
Me: "Cool! Awesome! Hey, look folks - I'm with a traditional publisher! Keep an eye out for my shit - it's coming out soon!"
Traditional Publisher staff: "Yay! Your shit is awesome!!!!!!"
Me: "Hey Exclusive Books and CNA, I'm a proudly local author - how about stocking my books, I'd love to see them on your shelves! This is where you can order them!"
Exclusive Books: "We don't buy from that catalog - it's American, we only buy from the UK catalog. Sorry."
CNA: *Crickets*.
Me again: "For fuck's sake!" *Contacts UK book listing services to get my books listed in their catalogs so that South African book sellers will stock them.*
UK Book Listing Service: "It will cost $$$ to list each title in our catalog."
Me: *Contacts my traditional publisher to inform them of the process and cost of listing their books with them to increase their reach and sales.*
Traditional Publisher: "The catalog we use is the only one that matters. Pay for it yourself if you want it."
Me: *Requests instructions on how to list books at the UK book listing service.*
UK Book Listing Service: "Sorry, we only deal with publishers, not authors. Please don't bother us again."
Me: *Contacts my traditional publisher about this problem*
Traditional Publisher: "What problem? Your books are available in the USA if anyone wants them - who cares about the UK? Who cares if your books aren't available in South Africa? Where is that, anyway?"
Me: *Contacts local newspapers for interviews or reviews of my books.*
Weekend Post: "Sure thing, man - send us a hard copy of your books to this address and afterwards we'll keep them or donate them to charities."
The Rest: *crickets*.
Me: "The hard-copies are damn expensive to buy and then donate - around R300 each with postage - can't I send you ebook versions? For free?" *bats eyelashes*.
Weekend Post: "No thanks. Hard copies or not at all. What's the matter - aren't you rich? You're an author after all!"
Me: *Ponders how the fuck I'm going to hold book signings, tours, talks, reviews, interviews on radio or TV, or meet-the-authors if my books aren't physically available in the country?*
Also Me (in 2016): *Contacts my publisher* "Only two of my books have been re-released under your label so far. It's been two years, and there are still another eight waiting- where's my shit? I'm not seeing any sales figures and you're only promoting your own books by senior staff members and not mine - and every time I ask questions, I get told 'that's how the industry works', 'do your own marketing', and 'don't message me direct again - work through your manager!'"
Traditional Publisher (a little later in 2016): "We're restructuring to focus only on pure horror. Everyone else who doesn't write pure horror material is fired." *hands back rights to all my works.*
Me (in 2016): "Well that's lovely, that is."
Girlfriend: "Don't give up - you can do it, your shit is awesome!"
Me: *Puts on a crash helmet, leaps back into self-publishing via Lulu.com and learns all about online marketing and advertising. Changes location to South Africa to avoid paying double taxes - to no avail.*
The Internet: "Here's some search engine algorithm changes to stop your free ads about your books from showing in search results."
Me: *Sighs* "Thanks, man."
The Internet: "Haha you thought you saved Net Neutrality!"
Me: *Tries to join yet another science fiction writers association in an attempt to find readers and increase my fan base and get my foot in the door.*
SFWA: "We're sorry, we only accept authors published through real traditional publishers. On your bike." *SLAM!*
Me: "Hey former LGBT advocacy colleagues with media capability, remember all those times you asked me for articles, quotes, information or help with advocacy issues - well I'd like to ask you just to share this book post or do a review for me? The book features some LGBT characters in a good heroic light!"
Former LGBT Advocacy Colleagues: *crickets* *foot shuffling* *mumbled excuses*.
Facebook: "Here's some Facebook algorithm changes to force you to pay us to get anyone not on your friends list to see your posts about your books."
Me: "Oh for fuck sake!"
Also Facebook: "Here's some more algorithm changes to limit the number of friends who see your book posts to the last 25 people you interacted with."
Girlfriend: "My internet-based marketing business doesn't work anymore. Nobody can see my ads and Facebook keeps removing them and banning my account - I can't promote your books anymore either. I'm sorry, Love."
Me: "Thanks, Facebook - it's nice to know you really care."
Facebook: "Oh, it's our pleasure, whoever you are."
Me: *Standing on soap box* "Buy my books folks - it's good shit, I promise! Available as ebooks in epub format on my web-shop for only $2 - about R30!"
People: "That's great! But will they work on my Kindle?"
Me: *head desk*
Me (in 2017): *Contacts famous SA online selling websites to ask them to stock my books*
SA Market websites: *Lengthy email argument about who I think I am and why I'm messaging them before they list a few of my paperback books shared from Amazon - but without cover images and pricing them at over R900 a title! Still refuses to list ebooks at all.*
Me: *Shares book posts in sci-fi fan groups on Facebook hoping to attract some interest.*
Facebook Sci-fi Fan-group Admins: "Stop sharing your shit in our groups - our groups are for other people to share links and posts about books they like - not for authors to self-promote their crap!"
Me: "I thought since you're such big sci-fi fans, you'd support struggling sci-fi authors by allowing us to make a book post once a week or so?"
Facebook Sci-fi Fan-group Admins: "Think again - we don't care. We don't want your self-published crap here!"
Me: "Well that's very charitable of you - hypocrites! Pick a finger!" *leaves Facebook sci-fi fan groups permanently*
Me (in 2018): "Hello FNB, I've been trying to get my funds from PayPal into my SA bank account since 2014 - and I still can't get it to work."
FNB: "Have you checked our website?"
Me: "I've tried your website several times since 2014, plus two YouTube channels that claim to have got it to work, I've emailed you twice - you never replied, I've visited three of your other branches to no avail, and spoken to advisers on your helpline four times - and this is my third visit to this nice main branch with the polished marble everything."
FNB: *sighs and taps keyboard in embarrassment* It should work... but it doesn't. Oh wait, you have a savings account. You need a checking account to connect with PayPal."
Me: "I have three friends who have savings accounts and they can all withdraw funds from PayPal into their accounts."
FNB: "Oh dear, it looks like its changed. You'll have to open a checking account instead. Yes, let's try that."
Me: "How much will that cost me?"
FNB: "At least a hundred rand in the account AND you'll have to switch over to FNB as your salary account and pay more than your present bank charges you for transactions, services and fees - and you'll have to deal with informing your creditors of the change of bank details when their deductions bounce for the next three months."
Me: "I see - well, fuck you very much FNB. Cheers."
FNB: "Hahahahaha so long, sucker."
SA Govt: "Remember whenever you eventually manage to get proceeds of your book sales into the country, we want our share."
Me: "Your share? You mean of the books you didn't write? The books you helped roll countless obstructions in the way of getting published or sold? The books I've had to just about sell my soul and do a striptease and a lap-dance for an encore, just to get a couple of pennies for - those books?"
SA Govt: "That's right - and also we're thinking about making it legal to expropriate everything you own, including the rights to any intellectual material you created!"
Me: "Fuck off! I'm voting COPE this year!"
Facebook: "We notice you've been promoting your books in various book promotion groups for authors by sharing them directly from your Page. In order to make your task of promoting your work even harder, you won't be able to do this anymore. In future you will only be able to share your Page posts directly to your Timeline, other Pages and groups owned by you."
Me: "Fuck you, Facebook!" *Increases promotional posts to Twitter, LinkedIn, AuthorsDB and Minds.com.*
Also me: *Standing on soap box* "Buy my books folks - it's good shit, I promise! Available as ebooks in epub format on my web-shop for only $2 - about R30!"
People: "That's great! Now, where can I get it as an audiobook?"
...which is basically how I got to write this article.
Why does the local book selling industry not have ANY equivalents to what's available overseas - but sees fit to do everything in its power to prevent South Africans from pursuing publishing overseas?
Useless - like tits on a fish - the whole fucking lot of them!
There's just sod-all available here. And then - IF you can even get paid and get the money into the country - the fucking government stands there with its hand out, tail wagging like it's earned it.
Pick a finger, South Africa...pick a fucking finger.
This fucking country has fuck-all to offer authors who don't have a silver spoon shoved up their nethers.
...and don't think they made it easy to leave here either. Don't think I haven't tried.
______________________________________________________________
If you would like to know more about Christina Engela and her writing, please feel free to browse her website.
If you’d like to send Christina Engela a question about her life as a writer or transactivist, please send an email to christinaengela@gmail.com or use the Contact form.
Show your appreciation for Christina's work!
All material copyright © Christina Engela, 2019.
________________________________________
No comments:
Post a Comment